11/12/12 | pinkcorsage's Blog

Today, I drank chocolate milk for my pills.  I ate some chicken from a ceaser salad for lunch, which I promptly purged as soon as I finished because I felt so bloated.  I did eat some broth later on in the evening, only 10 calories because my throat was hurting.  Although, it's making me feel bloated as well.  Someone told me today that diurex helps with the bloating.  I went to Walgreens and got some, but I don't think they are working really.

I weighed in at 92.8 this evening, I gained weight.  I am disappointed in myself.  I ate too much today.  I ate some crackers and butter, which I know is terrible for me and a breakfast bar!  Drinking water is making me feel bloated as well.  Sometimes I feel like just eating nothing would be best, but I know right now with school I can't do that.  I'd pass out.  But I see all of these skinny girls on campus, who are skinnier than me and I'm supposed to be tiny!  My former roommate is so skinny and she eats terrible!  She is always eating or drinking alcohol and never looking fat.  I wish my body did that.  I want to have a tiny waist.  I know that the fact that I'm starting to see my collar bone and ribs means I'm getting skinnier, but it's not skinny enough.  I get so mad at myself for not being skinny enough.  Since I ate those crackers today?  I purged twice to get rid of it.  My BMI is also lower than it used to be.  But I don't think I'm underweight.  I know a girl and she's my height and weighs 85 lbs and not considered underweight by her doctor, so I know that I'm not either.

I am getting skinner though.  I can tell.  My breasts are definitely smaller, I could fit in a shirt that I normally couldn't fit in because they are smaller.  A lot of my clothes are also looser.  I only have one pair of jeans that I can wear right now because they were the jeans I bought when I was actually skinny but then I got too fat to wear them.