11/19/12 Continued | pinkcorsage's Blog

So this afternoon I weighed in at 90.2 lbs, meaning I gained some water weight which is fine.  But I felt bad the entire day.  Like I had been bloated or drank too much water.  I think I'm dehydrated as well.  My legs have been cramping all day, and not only that but I've been more tired than usual.  I didn't want to eat anything today so that I wouldn't purge, but I did.  I ate the fish and the potatoes that I ate the other night and ended up purging it all back out.  Some days I don't want to do anything and this was one of these days.  I was tired, and honestly didn't know what to do about the nauseated feeling in my stomach.  But purging made me feel so much better.  When I weighed myself again I was at 89.6, by far the lowest I've ever been.  I don't intend to get any lower, but I was surprised at how much weight I had lost from feeling sick all day.  I want to have the perfect body like the Victoria Secret models.  They are so skinny and tall.  I will never be tall, but I certainly can be skinny.  I don't know if I can get any lower though.  It'll become too obvious.  There are times I look in the mirror and I don't see any of the changes.  I only notice the changes when I wear clothes and they don't fit me anymore.  They're looser.  But I can't see what the rest of the world sees.  Who do they see?  Do they see the problems and the issues that I have?  Is it obvious?  I see other people who are skinnier than me, and it makes me feel even fatter.  Or I see people fatter than me, and it makes me feel so skinny.  I know that my ideal body weight is distorted.  I can't help it.  It's hard.  I would have never chosen this.

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