Popeyes | pinkcorsage's Blog

I woke up today with the intention of going to Popeyes.  I know it's very bad to eat normally, but I live down the street from one and I just wanted Popeyes today.  Unlike any other day, I had to have Popeyes.  And of course after I ate it, I felt so terrible, not only because I ate food, but because it's so fattening and highly processed.  My body normally can't handle highly processed and fattening food.  So I've been feeling bad all day from my body trying to handle the bit of Popeyes I couldn't get back out.  I'm not a binge eater, I have no idea how many calories I consumed just from the two pieces of chicken and the fries, but I feel so bad because it was probably over 1000 calories, and I probably only got 200 back out.  You know I was doing really well with not eating such bad food.  The only food I was eating was maybe soup and fish and I always purged that.  I've already purged twice today because I feel so bad, and I was trying to get rid of the rest of the Popeyes.  I suppose I've learned my lesson, to never eat such processed food again no matter how much I crave it.

Sometimes I get so angry at myself for this.  It's hard some days.  Other days it's so easy to forget about food and not be hungry.  My struggle used to be with my body image, but now it's become mainly about food and what it could do to me.  I'm actually really worried about tomorrow, it'll be the first time that I've eaten in front of people in quite some time.  I'll be expected to eat something, but I wont' be able to purge easily.  I'm ashamed of myself honestly.  I can't believe I've let something like this rule my life.  But when I weigh in at a lower weight, I feel like i've accomplished something so big, like discovering gravity.  I know that I should get help, but being in my last year of college I don't' have the time to focus on other things.  Surprisingly I've been able to focus on school a lot more now that I rarely eat.  I think eating made me less focused.  At least that's my excuse to people whenever I lose weight around finals.